The Incredible Hulk Hands-On

Published on May 27, 2008, 12:09 pm
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We play Hulk. Hulk smash. Hulk fun.

Hulk here. I coming out with game soon that come with movie. It blockbuster summer action movie starring puny Ed Norton and beautiful Liv Tyler. Hulk love Liv Tyler because she pretty. Hulk think Ed Norton overrated. Anyway, Hulk movie coming out in June and game too. You will play game or HULK WILL SMASH YOU! It make Hulk not happy when puny man not play Hulk game. You not like Hulk when he get angry. Anyway, Hulk getting off track. Let Hulk tell you about game!

Hulk game in New York City. Big city! All buildings around, Hulk can smash. Hulk can destroy them all! Everything! Hulk took down one building with thunderclap when puny Army man shoot him with tank. Then Hulk pick up tank and throw it. Hulk like to pick up cars and trucks and vans. One time, Hulk pick up taco van and throw it. It funny, but it still make Hulk mad.

Hulk climb up buildings and jump big long way into air. Every time Hulk land, it cause cracks in ground! Hulk also pick up concrete and hurl it at things he see that make Hulk mad, like signs and cars and things that Hulk not smart enough to name, but have lights on them that go blinky blink. For some reason, Hulk game let Hulk take subway to get from one spot to next. Hulk surprised New York let Hulk use subway after he destroy half of city, but Hulk must admit, it convenient.

Everywhere there puny humans! They hassle Hulk. Some of them punies run from Hulk, but sometimes Hulk pick them up by head and carry them around. Hulk not really mad at regular puny humans, it only Army punies that Hulk get mad at. They chase with tank and trucks and laser guns that sting like bees. HULK HATE BEES!

Hulk have many things he do in game when he not smashing. All Hulk need to do is look at map and go to place with X on the map, and he can get new thing to do. One thing Hulk do is smash Enclave base, where puny humans with bee-sting lasers live. Enclave not want Hulk to destroy home so they send out puny tanks to stop him. Ha ha. Please not make Hulk laugh. Hulk destroy them into bits and then take down base with punches, kicks, and special powers like smash ground. It cause shockwave and blast away punies from Hulk. It good to be Hulk!

Then later, giant robot fight Hulk. It big, but Hulk not scared of robot. It have big eye in middle, and it try to stomp on Hulk like Hulk a bug. BUT HULK NOT BUG. Hulk catch robot foot and not let him stomp Hulk. Then he throw giant robot down and punch him. Hulk do this many times. He also throw taxi cabs at robot eye. That one nice thing about New York City; it easy to get taxi.

Someone tell Hulk that Rick Jones in this game, as well as pencil-neck Banner. But Hulk here to tell you that HULK ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS. Rick Jones nice boy, and Hulk protect him in game. And Hulk hear that archrival Abomination is in game. Ho ho. That rich. Hulk tell Abomination to “bring it” because Hulk will take him to Funky Town, where Hulk is mayor.

HULK TIRED OF TYPING ABOUT HULK GAME. Just go get game when game come out in June. Then you smash just like Hulk, even though Hulk bet you puny and smell like warm onions. Bye, from Hulk.

Jonas Bronck is the pseudonym under which we publish and manage the content and operations of The Bronx Daily.™ | - the largest daily news publication in the borough of "the" Bronx with over 1.5 million annual readers. Publishing under the alias Jonas Bronck is our humble way of paying tribute to the person, whose name lives on in the name of our beloved borough.


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